Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission Jackie

Name: Jackie Felger
Email: jackiefelger(at)gmail(dot)com
Title & Genre: BREATHE FOR ME--YA Urban Fantasy
Pitch: 17 yr old Hadley Blake discovers illegal cage matches at her new school for gifted teens & must fight for freedom or risk death to escape.

I covered my nose with the sleeve of my hospital gown, but it did little to mask the stench. “Next time, warn a girl before you show her a corpse.”

“He isn’t dead, Hadley.” Dr. Ramsey pushed the bed railing down, causing a loud clank to echo throughout the room.

I jumped. The body didn’t.

“If that noise didn’t wake him, nothing will.” I inched closer to the bed. Scarlet puddles seeped through the sheet at one end. Ten toes poked out at the other. “Why is he covered up if he’s alive?”

“I was concerned his appearance would frighten you.” Dr. Ramsey tugged on the sheet, revealing a guy who could’ve served as an extra in a horror flick. A gash on his forehead nearly leaked brains, and his face held numerous cuts, making his head look like it had been used as a piƱata.

The smell of rancid meat grew stronger and almost knocked me to the floor. I gripped the bed sheets, trying to anchor myself. “What the hell happened to him?”

“That’s not your concern,” Dr. Ramsey said, ignoring my freak-out fest. “Your focus should be on healing him.”

“That’s what this is about?” I shouted. “You kidnapped me because you thought I could heal him?”

“I didn’t kidnap you.”

“Hello? When you barge into someone’s bedroom in the middle of the night and take them by force, it’s considered kidnapping.”

“We’ll discuss that incident later. Right now, I need you to heal him.”


  1. I seriously think this one should be first. It's got great humor, a great premise, and an opening here that really hooks you into the story with awesome characterization. Just from these 250 alone, if you don't get an agent sometime soon dear, I'll be completely shocked. :)

    Would read. Would read x1000.

  2. These first pages hook me from the word stench. The YA voice is clear and I want to know what is happening next. The words are well chosen and they set the story up to be a great read!

  3. Great voice. There are so many simple details that make this so easy to visualize. The mix of humor with the dark subject especially hooked me since I don't usually like dark stuff, but you made this gripping.

  4. Gifted cage-fighting??? Are you kidding me? I'm with Michelle--this HAS to get snatched up! Fantastic premise and voice!

  5. Cage Fighting!!?!! OMG!!! How Awesome!!!

    The voice is freakin' awesome!

    I agree with Michelle. This needs to be published soon! :)

  6. This is a very interesting take! The concept is visually different and draws the reader in!! The dark slighted humor and atmosphere make one want to know what little Miss Hadley will and "can"!


    p.s. The smaller the Roses thorn-The deeper it goes to the Bone!