Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission Solomon

Name: Solomon J. Inkwell (James Grea)

Thelma Thimblewhistle must complete two tasks: pass the sixth grade…and kill the boogeyman. Dead people think they know everything!

1st 250:
Now that the worst has passed, I believe I can begin. As I write here in the darkened library with the flicker of the dancing firelight to guide me, I realize the task which I have been charged with is not a simple one, mind you, not simple at all. Nevertheless, it is a necessary duty bestowed upon me by Ms. Anna Peterson, or “Dead Anna” as she likes to be called. Wretched name, really, but you know Anna has a flair for the dramatic.

Or maybe, you do not know Anna. Ah, but you will very soon, I am sure. You see, her tale is a fascinating one. Of course, it was not always fascinating. For many years, she was simply your standard ghost in the Neither Realm, spooking her way around, avoiding duties assigned to her. She was, how would you say…a slacker. However, when Anna was placed in charge of a certain special girl, well, the adventures began for all of us, and now for you.

It is common knowledge that vanquishing a Boogey Man is a very difficult thing to do—something that we of the Neither Realm believed a mere child could never accomplish. Is the Boogey Man real? Yes, indeed! At any given time, there could be hundreds of Boogey Men roaming the closets of terrified children all over the world. So, what is a Boogey Man, really? Your standard Boogey Man begins as a nuisance. The threat lies in what it can become.


  1. First thoughts was that the age group and theme of the “boogeyman” might make this more suited as MG. The narrator has very flowery prose, sort of like the opening to a fairytale rather than a horror piece. If you could give a little more details on the setting (she’s in a library, but what is she writing with… a pen, a quill?) that would clear up the time period of the setting. The voice almost sounds a little archaic, and I thought this was meant as a modern story.

  2. I really liked the voice that you had in your pitch. That's what got me to read the rest.

    Sixth grade does make it MG. Just FYI.

    I agree with Clutzattack about the narration. I liked it, but it didn't seem like a sixth grade girl. I kind of thought it was a different narrator who was telling the story about Thelma. I really liked the narration, that said. But it doesn't quite match the tone of the pitch. I started reading thinking it was going to be comedic, but I didn't pick up much on the comedy part in these first words.

    BUT I think you have a fun premise and I'd be interested to read more. Oh, and I love the name Thelma Thimblewhistle. :)