Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission Jenni

Name: Jenni Merritt
Email: jennimerritt.writing (at) gmail (dot) com

Title and Genre: PRISON NATION (YA Dystopian)

Pitch: The majority of Prison Nation is kept incarcerated at all times, even those born inside. Now Millie is eighteen and set free, only to discover what freedom really is.

First 250 Words:

My name is Millie 942B.
Next week is my eighteenth birthday. And I dread it with every fiber of my body.
I guess I should start at something close to a beginning. My name might seem pretty strange to someone who doesn’t know the world I live in. It is a symbol of my existence. ‘942’ is the cell number I was born and raised in. ‘B’ is the floor level of which my little cubicle resides. I have no brothers. No sisters. Only a silent father and a state-proclaimed unstable mother. And it is because of them that I live in this cell.

I stopped and looked at my scribbled handwriting that darted across the yellowed page. There was something about the words I had written that seemed strange to me. Something that I wanted to hide. Scanning over the words, my stomach twisted into knots.


The voice jarred me from my thoughts. Forcing my eyes to lift from the page, I looked up at the woman sitting across from me. Her face was thin, the shadows long and harsh as they cut across her pale flesh. My eyes trailed to her lips. They were pursed tightly together, small wrinkles spraying out in every direction like an angry sun. With eyes bearing into me, she readjusted the glasses that sat perched on her nose as she stiffly leaned back in her chair.

“Millie, I asked you if you had finished your journal entry.”

“Yes,” I replied softly.


  1. I really like the images you brought out here, especially with the woman's mouth like an angry sun. I love the premise, too. Because I didn't know the journal entry was a journal entry, I didn't immediately get drawn in-- it felt too strongly of telling rather than showing. Still, I'm interested in the premise, as well as WHY she's writing a journal entry that someone else is making her. Good luck with this!

  2. Great character and I love the premise of the story. The first line rocks. If you followed it up with short sentances about the name's origin and then mentioned the birthday, I think you would have your audience hooked. Good job.

  3. Love the voice and premise.
    Your descriptions are spot on and drew me right in. I'd keep reading for sure!
    Great work!!!