Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission Darcy

Name: Darcy Drake
Title & Genre: WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING DEAD --- Post-Zombie-Apocalyptic Mystery
Pitch: A superhuman optimist battles zombie packs, charms bow-wielding strangers, and solves murders while showing survivors how to truly live.

First 250 Words:

After waiting five hours for her husband to die, Philena Hennessey was getting impatient.

Smoothing out her inventory book's ink-stained pages with shaking hands, she straightened a piece of scrap paper labeled as the following week's menu. There were as many lines through mistakes on the tavern's meal offerings as those crossing her time beaten skin. Salt clung to those markers of age, the last sign of her tears now hours past.

A pained moan came through the barred door of her bedroom.

Her hand shook as the sound chilled her straight through. 'Corned Beef' now read more like 'Corned Beaks.'

“Might leave that one,” Philena muttered. “Served worst.”

The door rattled.

“Quit that, Harry!” Philena knew there was no point in yelling at her husband. Five hours ago the man she'd loved for near forty-seven years had gone. His body was still there, but he wasn't. Telling him to stop shuffling and moaning wasn't going to do any good.

Her poor Harry was just another zombie now.


  1. Honestly, this is one of my favorites. The opening sentence hooks you like no other, and the premise is amazing. The remaining 250 words are this exhilirating whirlwind of everything I like in a book - character, heart, and excellent writing.

    Please do get in the top four!! I'm rooting for you!

  2. I second Michelle's comment. This is one of my favorites. The first line is great, although I do wonder why she is impatient. The last paragraph says that Harry died five hours ago, but the first says that she is waiting for him to die. Is she impatiently waiting for him to come back as a zombie? Or has he not yet passed and she's waiting for the inevitable? If the latter than the last paragraph might need some tweaking. This is me being nit-picky (because I appreciate that in my own work). The writing is very strong here and the premise is one of my personal favorites. Good luck, Darcy!

  3. Lol, that is what I did when I read the opening line. It was very great. I even loved the last line. You did a very nice job. I love zombie movies but have never read a book about them, but I would love to read this. Good Luck!

  4. Yahooo! I didn't expect to get critiques with this contest. =D

    Michelle --- Thank you! I'm just happy that others enjoyed my entry. ^^ It's been a fun manuscript to work on and I think it might have series potential, but I'm crossing my fingers on that one.

    L. J. --- Thank you for taking the time for the thorough critique! I appreciate it. I think you raise many excellent questions. Many of which I do answer in the next 250 words, but I think it's important to decide the pacing of how soon to answer those questions. I'm glad you brought them to my attention. ^^

    Enigma (hehe) --- There are some great zombie books out there! Especially in YA. You should try 'The Forest of Hands and Teeth' by Carrie Ryan.

  5. Oh I love this. Totally snared me from that first line. Zombie apocalypses scare me (I've had numerous dreams about them haha), but they're still so fun to read about!

  6. Lori --- Oh me too! I have a huge fear of zombies, but I think because they scare me the most, I can write about them and insert genuine fear into my writing. Though my main character isn't as afeared of them as most, which makes for some interesting internalization. /rambling

  7. Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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