Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission Marquita

Name: Marquita Hockaday

Email: marquita_hockaday@yahoo.com

Title and genre: THE BLUES- YA Contemporary Mystery

Pitch: Blake uncovers a secret high school drug scene when his pill pushing best friend turns up dead.

1st 250 words:

Thursday Morning 6:45 AM

Henry Knight was found bludgeoned to death early this morning.

I’m pretty sure I was whacking off to one of those phone sex commercials at the same moment that someone bashed his head in. I don’t know if anyone is going to miss him. Hell, I don’t know if anyone even remembers who he is. Maybe David Warren does. Especially since he’s our friendly neighborhood drug dealer. I know I remember Henry. He’s my best friend’s number one customer at school. Henry’s the main reason Kyle was able to buy me that badass skateboard for my birthday.

“Who is this kid?” Ma points to the TV.

I slurp up another spoonful of my Cocoa Krispies and shrug.

“You know him, Blake. You know everyone at that school. There’s only like twelve of you in a classroom.”

“He’s just some druggie, Ma. I don’t talk to him or anything.”

“But you know him?”

I nod.

“Oh my God. Blake.” Ma watches me for a moment and I shift my eyes back to the TV.

“Do you want to stay at home today?”

I shake my head.

Ma sighs as she buckles her belt around her waist. It barely makes it to the very last hole but she manages to get it around her. She really needs to lay off the late night snacks. Of course I would never tell her this. I mean, she’s allowed to gain weight right now.

8 comments:

  1. I love love LOVE this! I have the pleasure of being a BETA reader for Marquita and let me say that this only gets better!

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  2. Wow, this is so rich! What great voice!

    I love the line about him slurping Cocoa Krispies. I can see it perfectly.

    The only thing I stumbled over a little was the way his mother seems sure that he knows Henry and then kind of surprised that he does. I can see how she would be like that in this situation, but maybe you could reword one of those lines just slightly so her change in attitude is less of a surprise.

    And I love the last paragraph. It says so much: that Blake loves his mother, that she's human :), and that something really stressful has been going on. It definitely made me want to read more.

    Awesome job!

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  3. I've read this one before! ;)
    Great voice!

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  4. I like it. Very true to a guys voice lol

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  5. Wow. Nice voice. Drug-dealing best pal, preggers Ma, and a very teenage attitude.

    Darn it. I have no good advice. :) But that's definitely not a bad thing.

    Marie at the Cheetah

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  6. I absolutely love this voice. Excellent job.

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