Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission Meredith

Name: Meredith Allen Conner
email: mmconner@silverstar.com
Title: Tall, Dark and Furry - paranormal romance

Pitch: Sela must learn to control her Element, find her sisters and trust a werewolf to find her happily-ever-after.

1st 250: I’m going to die tonight.
Sela shivered. The chill permeated every cell in her body, even her bones felt frozen. She hated the cold. And wet. Right now she was both.
Gulping in air, she twisted her head from side to side, as she strained to hear any movement, any hint of her pursuers. Nothing. She couldn’t hear a thing. Her pulse thundered and pounded in her ears. She couldn’t see through the dark shadows of the woods. How far back were they?
Damn those fanatical bastards.
She took another step. Her foot slammed into a large branch, throwing her off balance. She wobbled, and barely had time to thrust her hands out as she toppled head first. The rough bark dug into her skin, blood welled in tiny droplets. Sela bit back a moan. She clenched her fists on the pain. Rough splinters clung to the blood on her palms.
Head down, breathing heavily, she ran a quick inventory. Nothing broken, a few more scrapes and bruises, but nothing to keep her down. The wind rustled the canopy of leaves above. A sliver of moonlight broke through. Her long sleeves rode up on her arms, exposing the complex circular tattoo on her inner right wrist.
In the moonlight the mark appeared to glow.
Glaring at the mark, Sela hissed, “Some help you are! Do something! Help me!”
Of course nothing happened. The mark never did anything.

6 comments:

  1. I think this is good. The pitch has goal and motivation. The opening scene is full of conflict. She is running from those fanatical bastards. And there is the mystery of the mark. So, I am interested to read more.

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  2. Very interesting. I love the immediate tension, and I know pple say don't start in the middle of an action scene, but I say if it works then it works LOL.

    My only criticism is that you need to watch for redundancy. This is what I mean:

    Sela shivered. The chill permeated every cell in her body, even her bones felt frozen. She hated the cold. And wet. Right now she was both. - This is a LOT of words just to tell us she's cold and wet. And that last sentence isn't necessary b/c we've already gathered that she's both.

    Nothing. She couldn't hear a thing. - Saying the same thing twice.

    Her pulse thundered and pounded in her ears. - thundered and pounded is saying the same thing

    Hope this helps!

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  3. Well, you've certainly got my attention. I would love to read more.

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  4. I love it and really want more. I'm a fan of books that start with the conflict--sucks me right in.

    I'm with Lori on the redundancies she mentioned and would just add one more: you used the word "find" twice in the pitch. Using words so close together makes me feel like I just read this, then I stop reading and go back to look for it. Another word would be better.

    Overall, awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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