Monday, April 18, 2011

Submission Jessica L.

Name: Jessica Lawson

Email: lawson.jessica.s@gmail.com

Title/Genre: Tripp Parker Vs. The World, MG Adventure

Pitch: 12-year-old Tripp trades prep school for an African adventure and must save his parents from being sacrificed to an idol of ancient legend.

1st 250 words:

Each tooth was enough to make me pee my pants right there in the coffee house. The pillowy foam on my Socrates latte had long since disappeared, but I couldn’t stop staring at the photograph. The beast’s raw gums glistened with saliva and three ropes of drool tangled in the air while it charged. I wondered if the creature would smell fear and attack it, like bees and dogs. If so, I’d be a goner within the week.

“You drink a lot of coffee for an eleven-year-old boy,” said a sweet voice. “I thought your people liked tea.”

“You know it’s decaf. And you know I’m twelve.” Oh beautiful, beautiful Angela of the coffee shop, I thought. How I’ll miss you, especially if I die.

She was my favorite barista at The Forum, one of my hang-outs on Yale University’s campus. There had been nothing so pleasant back at Cambridge. We left England when I was nine, and the British make a stink about little boys hanging around university students, even if they have large vocabularies and professor parents.

“And this fellow,” I pointed to the photo, “is about to become my closest acquaintance.”

Angela offered a sad smile. “Still leaving tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

Tomorrow I would leave behind four-hundred and fifty-three days of perfect attendance at Winston Prep, one undefeated debate club record, nineteen stuffed animals and action figures, and zero friends to possibly be torn apart by the jaws of the most vicious, terrifying, murderous animal on the continent of Africa.

4 comments:

  1. I have to admit - I'm a sucker for boy genius stories. I love the MC's inherent arrogance, it makes him so quirky and likeable. The premise seems SUPER original, and I would read it in a heartbeat.

    Good luck!

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  2. Great voice and premise!
    My sons would absolutely love this story!!! And so would I! :)
    Hope to see it on bookshelves.

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  3. Okay, I love the pitch. Makes me want to read it. And I like that by the end of the 250 words I know what the story is going to be about. So, good job. I did do a double take on the second sentence - pillowy foam on the latte juxtaposed with having to pee. Try moving it down to the next paragraph when his coffee drinking habit is revealed and see what you think. But that's minor. Sounds like a great story and I want to read this!

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