Sunday, September 18, 2011

Kimmy--post 15

Title: SOUL STALKER
Genre: YA paranormal romance
Email: Kimberlymillerpa@aol.com
Setting: Sitting on a blanket in a park at sunset (under 250 words)

He started playing with his shoelace. I watched two lightning bugs float by.

He sighed. “Liz, I...um...I wanted to ask you something.”

“Sure.” I swallowed hard. He leaned toward me.

He opened his mouth twice before he finally spoke. “Would you mind if...I mean, can I...oh, what the hell.”

He took my face in his hands, his eyes holding mine hostage. I felt my heart pick up the pace until it sounded like a motor. He hesitated for a brief second, then leaned in and almost touched my lips.

I closed my eyes. Every nerve fiber I owned yearned for his touch. I felt hot breath on my face as his breathing sped up. His lips brushed my right cheek, then my left. I didn't dare open my eyes in case I was dreaming. Finally, warm, soft lips pressed against mine, and in that instant, I knew this was it.

Chris Edwards was the last guy I would ever kiss.

7 comments:

  1. You made my toes curl with this one. Great scene. I particularly like the closing line.

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  2. Love when the guy finally just goes for what he wants. I like how I can feel their friendship first.

    Also love the hesitancy. Really drives you crazy in a GOOD way. Not just a rushed kiss. Almost touching lips is better than touching lips in my book. As long as it eventually does happen, anyway. :)

    Great job, Kimmy!

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  3. Toe curling for sure. Perfect descriptions. And how you show what a guy goes through with trying to kiss a girl for the first time--well done! Chris is dreamy. <3
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE the last line.

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  4. I like that you can write such an expressive scene in just a few short words. He's slow, careful with his kiss, yet we know it's something he (and she) really wants.

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  5. Very sweet scene. I liked the hesitancy of the kiss. It seemed more real. The one kiss on each cheek was a great detail. I loved the subtlety of it all.

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  6. I really liked how he began to ask her permission and then just went for it. It gives him a clumsy but cute feel which sounds real not just 'happy ever after'.

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