Sunday, September 18, 2011

~~Angela --post 6

Title: ENVY
Genre: YA Fantasy
Setup: Nate wants to hate Envy for what she is, half-Atlantean. But she has no clue of her heritage and that her people are planning to take over earth. He thought he could stay away, but he fell for her after being forced to spend time with her because his twin sister is Envy's only friend since she moved to Saint Simon's Island. They've spent the day together and now there's some romantic tension he wants to ignore.

“You have issues!” I shouted as he walked away. The rain was pouring down, soaking me. But I didn’t care. With my fists balled at my side, I closed the gap he’d put between us. The closer I got the more tense his muscles grew, straining the almost transparent fabric of his white t-shirt.

“Me?” he demanded without turning. By the way his body flexed, I could tell he wanted to run, but he owed me some answers and I was willing to tackle him if it meant he would stay.

“You saved me, pulling me out of the ocean that first day, then we had that collision in the hall… you treated me like The Plague. And then today you invited me to the water park while Paige had to work and we had fun. It was one of the best days of my life. You acted like I was a human being, and one you might like and now, now you’re back to hating me again. What happened? Is it because your sister is my best friend? Does this have something to do with Paige?”

Slowly, he turned to face me. Flashes of lightening illuminated the beautiful contours of his face, his taut jaw and rain-blackened hair. His eyes were closed at first. As he pried them open, I could see their beautiful green backlit with flames of anger.

“I wanted to hate you, tried to…” I kept waiting for a but “I’ve tried to…but.” It never came. Instead, he tried to hurt me further. “You think I’m the one with issues when you’re the one who refuses to touch anyone or let anyone get close to you!” Nate shouted, finally letting full emotion flavor his words. “That’s why Paige is the perfect friend for you! Neither of you ever let anyone in!”

He started to turn away again. With thunder booming and slices of lightening splitting the sky overhead, sizzling and crackling, it was like a furious symphony playing theme music to out argument.

“I would let YOU!” I finally screamed. “I would let you.”

I closed my eyes, exposing my emotions made me want to cry and knowing that he was probably running away as fast as he could make the tears fall faster, mixing with the rain sliding down my cheeks. When I opened them, Nate was strutting purposefully in my direction. I was shocked when he reached out, thinking he meant to hit me, that I’d made him that angry. But the light in his eyes was no longer the fire of fury, it was the blaze of passion that only grew brighter the closer his lips got to mine.

Without hesitation, I stretched up on my toes as he leaned down, cupping the back of my neck and the small of my back, pulling me to him, like he could press us together and make us one. It wasn’t gentle like I’d always thought my first kiss would be — if I ever had one. It was fervent and filled with emotions that we’d both been holding back.


  1. I like this scene because he sounds like he wants to tell her he likes her and she wants to hear it, but she has to break through his defenses by yelling at him - and what girl hasn't had to do that at some point??!

  2. I liked this. There's something so terribly romantic about expressing ones love in the rain. Sigh. It's raining right now. Maybe I can convince my husband to take me outside so he can profess his love for me. :)

    Seriously, though, good job!

  3. Your dialogue is believable and adds to the tension. Nice! Christy