Sunday, March 20, 2011

Submission # 8

Name: Violet Ingram
Title: Death by High Heels

Cops hate it when you vomit all over their crime scenes. That was a mistake I had no desire to make again. So as I fought the urge to hurl, it occurred to me that they probably weren’t going to be too thrilled that I had trampled all over this one. Well, crap. If only I hadn’t answered the door, I’d be eating dinner instead of standing in my neighbor’s apartment looking at a dead guy.

I’d spent a hell of a lot of time at crime scenes lately. Even caused a couple I’d really like to forget. My name is Kimberly Murphy and I’m a private investigator. In my line of work I’ve seen plenty of weird things but this had to be one of the weirdest. The guy was just sitting there in the chair. It would have been okay if not for all the blood and his guts spilled onto his lap. I tore my eyes from him and asked the question I most wanted the answer to.

“What the hell did you hit him with?”

Lindsay glanced at floor. “My shoe.”

“Damn it, Lindsay, you can’t kill someone with a shoe!”

“Hello, they’re Via Spiga.”

“Ugh.” I rolled my eyes. There was no way in hell she had done this kind of damage with a shoe. If she had, women would soon be saying goodbye to their much-beloved accessory. Men-even NRA members- would insist on an instant band of the deadly yet sexy weapon.

5 comments:

  1. I like this, but I'm a little confused. She's a private investigator, so I thought she was called to the scene of a crime by police, but she was called by the friend who did it? Why isn't she more frantic about it?

    Having said that, I like the morbid sense of humor lol.

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  2. The humor in this one is a big winner for me. I really like the opening line.

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  3. The opening paragraph really hooked me, but I felt pulled out with the second where the character gives a short bio of herself. The name and profession, I think, can be weaved into the story more so that the info gets out, but doest seem as intrusive to what is a very intreaguing and funny sounding story.

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  4. Your opening sentence is dynamite! Love the voice and the fast flow of how you play out the scene. One glaring problem. The connection between her working with the cops and helping out her friend is unclear and reads disconnected. You'll need to either separate the two or connect them somehow. Is she a friend the PI needs to protect? Was she called in to get her friend out of trouble? Did the PI follow this case and figured out?

    Clarify!

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