Sunday, March 20, 2011

Submission #15

NAME: jmanni32


First 250 words:

I woke to the coppery smell of blood and an overpowering hunger. My head burned intensely, shards of pain and heat engulfing me. My breath, short and raspy, choked its way from my lungs and up my throat. My nose burned with the smells of dirt and sweat and I was surrounded by total darkness. A helluva way to wake up.

My burning headache was outweighed only by my growing hunger. It consumed my entire body, making my skin crawl. All I could think about was eating. But I wasn’t craving food.

I was craving blood.

The thought of it filled my mind like molten lava, sweeping in and burying all other thoughts and ideas and leaving me with an aching emptiness that only it could fill. I had to have it, and I had no idea why.

What’s wrong with me? Am I seriously lying here thinking about blood? Have I totally lost my mind?

All good questions that I had zero answers for. I couldn’t even stomach watching someone being killed in a horror movie. Just the idea of having my blood drawn at the doctor’s office caused me to break out in hives. So how in the world could I be actually considering drinking blood? I tried to push the overwhelming and totally disgusting thought of blood – and what I wanted to do with it – out of my mind and focus on figuring out where the hell I was.

Freezing air swept over me, but somehow my body didn’t feel cold.


  1. I like where this is going. It's unique to open on a newbie vampire. Great start!

  2. I like this and I think my teenage daughter would as well.

    Violet Ingram - sub #8

  3. I only have a few comments about this one. You are going to have a darn hard time selling it. Vampires are so over done and the market is so saturated, it will be a tough up hill battle. Besides that, watch how many times you use "my". There are better ways to express the characters feelings without putting a qualifier to it at the beginning of every sentence.

  4. Sold the trilogy...thanks for the critiques!