Sunday, April 25, 2010

Perfection Query

Here is something I am doing for fun. I put my rough draft of my query for Perfection.

Yes, it needs some work, but I thought it would be a great experience for everyone to see what is good about it (if anything) and what is not (which is probably a lot). And leave me comments.

I did this for my blog readers and whoever visits just to see the process of how I write my query, as I hone and tweak and delete and rewrite.

As I do the above, I will post those and we can all see it take shape.

So I hope to see you again and again as the query takes shape.

To the dearest of the dear Agent X, (
Right here, right in this exact spot, I will put a greeting to my wish list agents after I study their blogs and webpages and tweets and whatnot.

Normal does not describe Ellyssa. She is superior, a picture of perfection. Genetically engineered to be faster, stronger, more intelligent, emotionless, and lethal. Not to mention, she’s a telepath. The soldier of tomorrow.

But when she crosses paths with a dark-haired man, the world she’s always known, the only world she’s been exposed to, crumbles. He speaks to her, not with vocal words, but in her mind. Kansas City.

Now Ellyssa finds herself experiencing emotions and running from her life to a city she’s never been to, and she doesn’t even know why.

PERFECTION is a young-adult, dystopian fantasy complete at 100,000 words. And then some more stuff depending on agent's likes and dislikes.

Then right here, right in this spot, I'll put my personal contact info.


  1. Who is telling the story? Ellyssa or the narrator?

  2. I really like the premise. I have a question about Kansas City, though. It came out of left field and kind of made me stop and go huh? I wasn't sure if it should be connected with the next paragraph, maybe?

  3. After I read the ms, I'll critique the query too. :) It's a two-fer-one! What a deal!

    And, of course, I do not think you're a sociopathic pyromaniac cult leader because you use a pen name. At least, I'd better say that. Or else you'll come and try to brainwash me into joining your cult.

  4. agree on the Kansas City part - but otherwise it sounds pretty darn cool