tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post742686874493373401..comments2024-03-27T02:20:51.751-05:00Comments on J.L. Spelbring: Submission LoriAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-46263222570706016492011-04-30T15:59:53.638-05:002011-04-30T15:59:53.638-05:00Intriguing! I want to read on. The short pitch is ...Intriguing! I want to read on. The short pitch is really great. :) <br /><br />Nice work.Annie McElfreshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14312634754232333138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-63991676400949169222011-04-20T10:25:01.683-05:002011-04-20T10:25:01.683-05:00I like your voice and I want to keep reading.I like your voice and I want to keep reading.Meredith Allen Connerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10611233008268202311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-52142975312525314212011-04-19T12:56:16.340-05:002011-04-19T12:56:16.340-05:00I like the voice of your MC but for your opening I...I like the voice of your MC but for your opening I wish you had stayed more with your character and what was going on with him running rather than go into back story about his name...which could come later if necessary. I think your pitch sounds very intriguing.A.J. Lockehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08514343224203400113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-88608903007407537202011-04-19T11:14:13.503-05:002011-04-19T11:14:13.503-05:00I think the "Animal Sacrifices Hour" lin...I think the "Animal Sacrifices Hour" line is my favorite line out of all the entries. <br /><br />And your opening definitely makes me want to read more because:<br />1) I like the voice.<br />2) I want to know why he's running around at midnight.<br />3) I want to go anywhere Amun goes.<br /><br />Good luck!Ann Bradenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06948850218207863022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-45446165929233204432011-04-19T08:10:18.642-05:002011-04-19T08:10:18.642-05:00Loving your opening page. It's got voice and i...Loving your opening page. It's got voice and it delves into character backstory without sounding like an info dump. I'm already getting to know London and Amun and that makes me what to find out more about them.<br /><br />On your pitch, the thing that threw me off was that the three thoughts didn't seem to be connected. I understand what each of them means, and they're all intriguing concepts (souls used as a weapon, creating a girl - epic stuff), but strung together in a single sentence, they don't feel associated to me.<br /><br />Great job ^_^Loralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-20617966086740657332011-04-18T22:01:27.857-05:002011-04-18T22:01:27.857-05:00Cough cough You're so awesome, Amun's a ro...Cough cough You're so awesome, Amun's a rockstar, I have nothing more to add cough cough.<br /><br />Totally doesn't count as one of my Official Comments, just needed to be said.Kalen O'Donnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02131133469192904315noreply@blogger.com