tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post7040827992454730097..comments2024-03-27T02:20:51.751-05:00Comments on J.L. Spelbring: Submission JulieAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-66534434379528567102011-04-21T11:34:25.378-05:002011-04-21T11:34:25.378-05:00I agree with Jen. I got confused at one point beca...I agree with Jen. I got confused at one point because she was going down the stairs and then she was jumping out of bed. Apparently I had missed the transition as to why this happened. Get rid of that first paragraph and it will be much stronger. <br /><br />Great description. You've set up the mood of the opening scene nicely. <br /><br />Good luck!Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-59035450828918649402011-04-20T22:22:17.023-05:002011-04-20T22:22:17.023-05:00The first paragraph seems repetitive. I think you ...The first paragraph seems repetitive. I think you could remove that and have a stronger opening. <br /><br />She smelled cinnamon and cayenne and lime mixed with something deeper and wilder. The scent bubbled, like it rose steaming from a roiling cauldron. This is one of my favorite lines. The description is really well written.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17876772923733290496noreply@blogger.com