tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post6225326680384214870..comments2024-03-27T02:20:51.751-05:00Comments on J.L. Spelbring: Submission WillowAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-64535704293059212962015-12-22T00:54:41.410-06:002015-12-22T00:54:41.410-06:00I say many thanks to Mr. admin website I read this...<br />I say many thanks to Mr. admin website I read this, because in this website I know a lot of information information that I did not know before his<br /><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/8WWbXs" rel="nofollow">Gejala Utama Kanker Rahim Yang Sering Dirasakan</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/NB0976" rel="nofollow">Makanan Yang Harus Di Konsumsi Ibu Hamil Agar Bayi Cerdas</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/iKQLWq" rel="nofollow">Penyebab Terjadinya Susah Tidur Atau Insomnia</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/vDkkQp" rel="nofollow">Menu Diet Untuk Penderita Asma</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/PXJvYm" rel="nofollow">Hilangkan Bekas Luka Di Wajah Secara Cepat Dengan Madu</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/C9fTLz" rel="nofollow">Hilangkan Jerawat Dengan Kayu Manis</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/8Dt5Fj" rel="nofollow">Gejala Kanker Tenggorokan Stadium Awal</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/6N98Xr" rel="nofollow">Sayuran Mengandung Serat Tinggi Baik Bagi Penderita Wasir</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/Mq0vvJ" rel="nofollow">Ayo Hilangkan Wasir Dengan Konsumsi Sengkuang</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/F9ZGFZ" rel="nofollow">Obat Alami Penghilang Benjolan Di Leher</a> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04723201723175985290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-77073450466861346412011-04-23T22:48:47.194-05:002011-04-23T22:48:47.194-05:00You have very nice descriptions, however, too many...You have very nice descriptions, however, too many at the beginning of a novel slows down the pacing. I've heard agents say that readers want to see mostly action in the first chapter. Maybe you could get away with the sloshing coffee description (which I love, by the way), but the line "The bright yellow kitchen walls with sunflowers bordering the top" is redundant. You could save it for later on in the novel.<br /><br />The last two paragraphs are nicely done. They give more details about the character and her voice.Shanika L. Bynumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18212374073199005198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-38890775782462183382011-04-19T14:47:01.528-05:002011-04-19T14:47:01.528-05:00There are many characters introduced here - Sarah,...There are many characters introduced here - Sarah, Jason, Aunt Edna, foster parents. I'm intrigued. The pitch grabs me; I immediately want to know what Sarah's true gift is.<br /><br />Tighten some phrasing with less description - I as the reader want to fill in some blanks myself. This is a solid, intriguing start.Barbara Watsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06547166495514562286noreply@blogger.com