tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post4548052003018687598..comments2024-03-27T02:20:51.751-05:00Comments on J.L. Spelbring: Submission Michelle M.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-77219353132456967292015-12-22T00:50:40.738-06:002015-12-22T00:50:40.738-06:00I say many thanks to Mr. admin website I read this...<br />I say many thanks to Mr. admin website I read this, because in this website I know a lot of information information that I did not know before his<br /><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/tDCsvf" rel="nofollow">Makanan Sehat Penderita Diabetes Yang Enak </a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/HuN2AJ" rel="nofollow">Manfaat Pemberian Asi Eksklusif Bagi Ibu Dan Anak</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/XHST1p" rel="nofollow">Nasi Putih Bagi Penderita Diabetes</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/gepnIg" rel="nofollow">Informasi Tentang Makanan Penurun Kolesterol Jahat</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/IFpNYl" rel="nofollow">Hilangkan Flek Hitam Di Wajah Dengan Peeling</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/iCn7pZ" rel="nofollow">Atasi Kaki Bengkak Setelah Melahirkan</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/bAkbR9" rel="nofollow">Ramuan Tradisional Untuk Menghilangkan Wasir</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/KFGsaS" rel="nofollow">Cara Membuat Kulit Wajah Putih Bersih Dan Halus</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/EeqGfo" rel="nofollow">Tumbuhan Yang Dapat Dijadikan Obat Herbal</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/yTaiPW" rel="nofollow">Buah Buahan Yang Mengandung Banyak Antioksidan</a> <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04723201723175985290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-56007554547789018282011-04-21T22:52:10.325-05:002011-04-21T22:52:10.325-05:00That's makes perfect sense. Thanks so much for...That's makes perfect sense. Thanks so much for your suggestions Jeanmarie!Michelle Merrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00040685503147648297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-89006963770310387072011-04-20T14:26:14.551-05:002011-04-20T14:26:14.551-05:00Wow! This is a great start! Totally makes me want ...Wow! This is a great start! Totally makes me want to read more! I'm intrigued. And Brielle's character/personality comes across loud and clear. Great job.<br /><br />The only thing that struck me as off was the two sentences that said "I shouldn't be so hard on her. She was just being optimistic." I would separate them into a new stand-alone paragraph and plut it elsewhere. I think Brielle's emotions on this frist page seem exasperated and generally ticked off. So the sentences above kind of throw that feeling off. I think you should keep them, though, because it shows another dimension to the character--a kind and caring side. But I think that that belongs somewhere else. Maybe after the slams the fridge door? <br /><br />The pitch seems good but I'm not sure if I followed it perfectly--it may just be me looking too deep into it. I couldn't figure out if Brielle is the genie and she can't use her magic until someone wishes something. Or, is someone else a genie and Brielle needs to wish for magic in order to pull off the Council's assignment? Maybe defining Brielle as a genie would clear that up. Does that make sense to you or am I rambling? :)<br /><br />JeanmarieJeanmarie Anayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15444097096666633756noreply@blogger.com