tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post3989795442405932741..comments2024-03-19T02:28:37.213-05:00Comments on J.L. Spelbring: Submission StinaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-9338448747260382372015-12-22T00:55:08.078-06:002015-12-22T00:55:08.078-06:00I say many thanks to Mr. admin website I read this...I say many thanks to Mr. admin website I read this, because in this website I know a lot of information information that I did not know before his<br /><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/8WWbXs" rel="nofollow">Gejala Utama Kanker Rahim Yang Sering Dirasakan</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/NB0976" rel="nofollow">Makanan Yang Harus Di Konsumsi Ibu Hamil Agar Bayi Cerdas</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/iKQLWq" rel="nofollow">Penyebab Terjadinya Susah Tidur Atau Insomnia</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/vDkkQp" rel="nofollow">Menu Diet Untuk Penderita Asma</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/PXJvYm" rel="nofollow">Hilangkan Bekas Luka Di Wajah Secara Cepat Dengan Madu</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/C9fTLz" rel="nofollow">Hilangkan Jerawat Dengan Kayu Manis</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/8Dt5Fj" rel="nofollow">Gejala Kanker Tenggorokan Stadium Awal</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/6N98Xr" rel="nofollow">Sayuran Mengandung Serat Tinggi Baik Bagi Penderita Wasir</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/Mq0vvJ" rel="nofollow">Ayo Hilangkan Wasir Dengan Konsumsi Sengkuang</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/F9ZGFZ" rel="nofollow">Obat Alami Penghilang Benjolan Di Leher</a> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04723201723175985290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-33886501202378671052011-04-30T16:09:17.255-05:002011-04-30T16:09:17.255-05:00There are some really great lines in this piece! Y...There are some really great lines in this piece! Your work has great voice. <br /><br />The short pitch hooked me. I love a great comtempt story. :) <br /><br />Nice work!Annie McElfreshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14312634754232333138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-57528410083747740382011-04-24T08:57:30.310-05:002011-04-24T08:57:30.310-05:00"... forcing you to see all your screw ups in..."... forcing you to see all your screw ups in slow motion." Great line!<br /><br />A lot of questions are raised in this entry, which made me want to read more.<br /><br />Blonde hair curtaining face, almost hiding it. Maybe combine the ideas.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-47103438896255725972011-04-21T20:08:29.872-05:002011-04-21T20:08:29.872-05:00Just returning the favor : )
Would like a little ...Just returning the favor : )<br /><br />Would like a little more detail in your pitch about the antagonist and less of the specific details regarding the facts as to why her life is in danger. Why is Maddie taking it on herself to prove the BFF's Ex is selling steroids? I would think the school security team would love to do something besides patrol the grounds and get their hands a little dirty. <br /><br />I'd say there's the right amount of detail to set the scene, though pointing out the best friend's good looks did seem a bit overdone. Rather than telling us she's beautiful I liked the line after it that showed it by the love sick expressions plastered on the boys' faces. <br /><br />And, typo? it[its] irritating screech<br />Actually, that whole sentence feels like it should be broken up. Looks like two or three sentences strung into a big long one, separated by commas. <br /><br />Your first paragraph really hooks the reader in. Very intense and entices curiosity.<br /><br /><br /> and before the bell deafens us with it irritating screechKimberlee Turleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04695299361596799423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-52138546970055802982011-04-19T13:39:57.898-05:002011-04-19T13:39:57.898-05:00Stina! I finally get to read something of yours!
...Stina! I finally get to read something of yours!<br /><br />You have a great voice here and really strong writing. This opening doesn't totally grab my attention (because I'm a blood and guts and monsters kind of gal) but it is interesting. I want to know why she's upset!<br /><br />The only thing I can thought stood out was the description of the friend, particularly her cheekbones and legs. It seemed like an awkward time to be thinking about that. <br /><br />Otherwise, i think it's a great opening. Great voice and strong writing. Good luck!Lacey J Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17930985573303127061noreply@blogger.com