tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post336702505207349877..comments2024-03-27T02:20:51.751-05:00Comments on J.L. Spelbring: Submission RichardAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-41805111297752465512015-12-22T00:56:55.473-06:002015-12-22T00:56:55.473-06:00Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life an...Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)<br /><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/QKOZ85" rel="nofollow">Manfaat Perawatan Susu Bagi Kesehatan Kulit Wajah Anda</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/aGJf12" rel="nofollow">Cara Menghilangkan Kanker Rahim Stadium Awal</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/7bzi4G" rel="nofollow">Cara Mengobati Ambeien Luar</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/a8dDSg" rel="nofollow">Obat Herbal Tumor Kelenjar Parotis</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/QMwjYI" rel="nofollow">Tips Pengobatan Alternatif Diabetes Melitus</a><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/Ubx6Wg" rel="nofollow">Obat Kolesterol Alami Untuk Melawan Kolesterol Jahat</a><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/Se6eJT" rel="nofollow">Solusi Sehat Dengan Herbal Alami </a><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/MPfgti" rel="nofollow">Pengobatan Syaraf Kejepit Di Kaki</a><br /><a href="http://goo.gl/7ddzfh" rel="nofollow">Obat Diabetes Herbal Terbaik</a> <br /><a href="http://goo.gl/wc3QOB" rel="nofollow">Pengobatan Tumor Bibir Atas Dan Bawah</a> <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04723201723175985290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-37791641087187665472011-04-30T12:26:27.445-05:002011-04-30T12:26:27.445-05:00I love this! So much fun.
I think she would notic...I love this! So much fun.<br /><br />I think she would notice right away her hands are tied. That should be right up front with the blood on her face, because that's a big thing. <br /><br /><br />I don't buy that she can hear her blood splat. Maybe a drip, but still it's so far away I think it would be hard. And I know head wound bleed a lot, but a river was too much for the image there. Because then it seems like a much more serious wound that is seriously gushing, and this seems like more of a trickle. Just nit-picky :-)<br /><br />Also, if tears are falling into her mouth, I would imagine it is tinted with the taste of blood. <br /><br />And also, if she is tied up, how does she know it is blood. Usually people think its water until they see the redness, even if there is pain a lot of times. <br /><br />Great job overall!Chersti Nieveenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01336409974765732851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-68175819362418150452011-04-20T07:20:22.960-05:002011-04-20T07:20:22.960-05:00Hi Richard!
Firstly, great title! It grabbed my a...Hi Richard!<br /><br />Firstly, great title! It grabbed my attention, and I'm curious as to how the 'Fat' part relates to trapped. Also the fact that it's a horror grabs me.<br /><br />Your 140 character pitch sounds like a question to me, might want to add a question mark at the end?<br /><br />Nice idea starting right in the middle of the action. I've got all kinds of questions about how Danielle got to where she is. <br /><br />One suggestion- you may want to tighten your writing up by reading your 250 wds out loud. It helps with repeats and phrasing. For example- you use two similies in your opening paragraph (like a river, like prey), and two 'begans' in your second last paragraph. Those things are easier to hear/see when you're reading aloud.<br /><br />Well done!<br /><br />BrendaOverdunnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11182123910081050259noreply@blogger.com