tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post2856373059067019623..comments2024-03-27T02:20:51.751-05:00Comments on J.L. Spelbring: Submission #11Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-21287656436402354212011-04-05T10:21:34.471-05:002011-04-05T10:21:34.471-05:00I think you can take this a little further and exp...I think you can take this a little further and explore. You have a nice set up, but in crime novels a lot of the excitement comes from the ambiance. Is it raining, hot, cool, damp, dripping street muck in the gutter, middle of the night, daytime, what does the killer look like, does he slouch, have a telltale limp...?<br /><br />You can push this further and make it really blossom on the page.Alyson Petersonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8526683900253948041.post-87857759453548714882011-03-20T18:48:05.386-05:002011-03-20T18:48:05.386-05:00I love the immediate tension here, but I think you...I love the immediate tension here, but I think you should save the back story for later. Keep us present, right in the moment with Tai. Save the paragraph about how he's been killing women for five years for a moment when Tai can actually reflect and not in this moment when her attention is needed 100% on what's happening in front of her.<br /><br />Other than that, I think this is a great start.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.com